Do you ever have times where you just want to flip the bird and yell to the world to fuck off and leave you alone? Well I certainly do. I am no stranger to bullshit, and I have lived through my fair share of ups and downs where the downs last much longer and drop much lower than the ups. Well, lately I have been having trouble with a roommate and his behavior with me (and only me because he was being fine and dandy with everyone else). I have honestly reached the point where I just don’t give a crap anymore about what people think. There have been so many stupid misunderstandings, miscommunications and such between several of my friends that I am ready to just wash my hands and say with a straight face: “You want my story? Its here anytime you ask. You want to make assumptions and not give a crap about what I have to say? Go for it.” I have done everything in my power to keep my personal integrity in tact, and in every way I know where and when I am and am not at fault in everything. I have done my best, and if that doesn’t matter then why should I care? I don’t have the energy to give to care.
I’ve so often given the advice that if someone is not treating you as a friend should be, they do not deserve to have you as a friend. I have not once taken my own advice before now. I was always too worried that I would fuck up, that I wasn’t worth and that I needed to make sure I always stayed worthy of being someone’s friend. It was an unhealthy way to look at it, but not matter what I tried I could never apply my advice to myself.
It seems that all it took for me to grow out of it was to have done everything I could to preserve my integrity, not be the one causing problems and actually nearly lose a dear friend because of bullshit. Not a pretty situation, but one that has most certainly helped me grow and learn. I am not sure how it will all turn out at this point, but I know for a fact that it is not on me this time. So I am not worrying.
Honestly, if I can give any advice: don’t let misunderstanding or miscommunication stress you out. Be hurt when it hurts you. Be upset when the actions people take are unreasonable. Just understand that miscommunication is going to happen no matter what with ever person you ever meet. It will be to varying degrees and the consequences will always differ, but expect it and don’t sweat it when it does happen. Address it, fix what can be fixed and move on.