Sometimes it feels like I am struggling in an endless battle.
I’ve been noticing some trends in myself lately with regards to my energy, pain and overall well being. For years I pushed myself through my chronic fatigue and never let myself fully relax. I got tired and cranky. I was in extreme amounts of pain and all the while I thought that was how everyone else felt- at the time I didn’t know any better. I thought that my fatigue was just being exhausted, but that everyone else felt pain all the time all over their bodies. I thought everyone saw fuzzy patches in their field of vision and got headaches after. I thought everyone had stomach problems.
Then I went through a long and strenuous diagnostic process and started to learn just how much of what I experienced was in fact *not* experienced by everyone else on a daily basis. It was terrifying. It didn’t stop me from continuing to push myself the way I had been. It didn’t change the fact that I felt that I *had* to operate like everyone else does whether I’ve got a different or harder time of it or not. I pushed and pushed and pushed. It got harder and harder and harder to keep up that pace. Then I introduced medication into the mix and in all honesty it made it worse. I tried everything to ignore the new symptoms that popped out as my body began to adjust to the chemicals now invading my system. I wasn’t any less fatigued…. And sometimes I was more.
I tried so hard to keep up the act of pretending I was fine, until it fell over the edge last October-november when I moved. There was so much to do, in the middle of a semester that I couldn’t remember a month of because of a bad reaction to medication where I was teaching dance twice a week… So I grew more overwhelmed than ever…
It was then that I had to make the decision to take the next semester off. I teach dance at a private school, so my Christmas holidays were four weeks long. I managed to do tons around the house, at my own pace, I house sat for my mom, and for the most part I was able to rest and actually start to sleep again… I felt it was time to gradually increase my activity levels again.
Dance started up again last week and in all honesty I regret my choice to keep teaching instead of truly taking the semester off for my health. I am in terrible amounts of pain, I am extremely fatigued to the point of losing strength and I feel like I am constantly moving through thick molasses.
My unofficial adopted aunt shared thus article with me recently and in all honesty it has shed some light on part of why I feel so crummy from my chronic fatigue.
It is a simple article, but it debunks much of the media’s recent wave of thought. I can tell you straight: when you have fatigue, increasing your activity level makes it worse. Although exercise is important, it is not what we need to cure or remedy fatigue. I’m not sure what we can use to remedy it truthfully, but I’m searching….
Oh and so that you know, I was 150lbs (of muscle with healthy fat content for a woman) from the age of 15 up until this past summer where I started a new medication that caused me to gain weight rapidly and I’m at 190lbs now. I am slightly overweight for my height and build but not by much. I eat a healthy gluten free diet, I don’t sit on my butt watching TV all day, if I’m at home I do things around the house, do art or crafting, clean or study and research. So when I say I’m afraid to do more cardio because it physically hurts me, its not because of my weight or because I’m lazy. It is because it actually causes pain in every region of my body to varying degrees–and I’m not talking about sore muscles either. I’m talking about mixed up signals in my pain receptors for what ever reason.